Where do we start?

I decided to write a diary to vent my thoughts and research and realised that it may help other parents too so decided to publish it. I will write about my thoughts and feelings as well as any reviews on certain products that I have tried.

Let me catch you up to speed. In the last 18 months I found out I was pregnant, moved area, my dad died, resigned from work, had a baby, moved area again, and got married. Let me tell you that it has been a real emotional rollercoaster to say the least.

It is now June and my daughter is 10 months old. since she was born I have been struggling with a lot of different issues and fighting against them. 

Being the first out of my close friends to have a baby has been very tough. All of their social events still involve going out to bars and clubs after what I would call bed time. I feel as though I have aged about 15 years. I used to think that this was a problem and that I was the one who was strange and made me feel as though I had had a baby as a teenager…

However today, I have come to realise that at 27, I am normal. I am not saying that my friends aren’t but people follow different paths. I took a step back and realised that I have a great life and should stop assuming that because I have not followed the herd that I am not doing things the correct way.

So lets go back to the beginning of the crazy time. We were living in a 1 bedroom flat which I loved. It felt like living in a hotel. I was working in Whitechapel and my husband (boyfriend at the time) was working in Oxford circus. We were going out every night for food and travelling whenever we wanted. 

I had decided to get my coil removed due to spotting (too much info!) and wanted to wait until my period came before going on contraception. We had talked about having children and getting married.We went to visit my boyfriends family in Brazil for 3 weeks straight after this. I took 4 packs of tampons with me ‘just in case’. My period never came…. but I started to feel sick. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. We came back and I started my new job straight away. I was enjoying getting money and after studying for 6 years it was nice to be qualified. After 6 weeks I still hadn’t had a period, I did multiple pregnancy tests which came back negative. I then thought I would see a GP as I had read that the coil can make you infertile. She advised me to wait for 6 months! I had started to feel dizzy too and not quite right. I thought it would be best to do another test and this time the test came back with 1 faint line where the positive line should be. I showed my boyfriend and he said oh its probably an error, I don’t believe it. I wasn’t so sure, so thank god for Amazon Prime Now. Within 2 hours, 2 more tests had arrived. I got the one which tells you how many weeks you are, it said 1-2 weeks. I told my boyfriend and his face was a picture. It was shock, happiness and ‘SHHHITT’ all in one. That was it then. We were pregnant. that phrase annoys me a bit actually as I was the pregnant one not him! 

So we started on the road of pregnancy. I started to get really bad pains in my side. I went to the GP who referred me to the hospitall for an early scan. Waiting for the scan made me nervous, what if the tests had been wrong? The scan started and the sonographers face dropped and she said that she wanted her colleague to check something. My heart rate went up. What was happening?! It transpired that they could not find a heart beat or even an embryo. She explained that it could either be a molar pregnancy, ectopic or too early to see. I was taken to a room to have my blood taken as this would indicate if it was a molar pregnancy. I remember vividly that she was using a ‘Pregnancy of unknown location’ pro forma. I felt like a failure. It also scared me as being a midwife I knew a bit about molar and ectopic pregnancies. 

This seems to be a good place to halt. I will do blog posts about molar and ectopic pregnancies to help people understand them more.

#pregnancy #mother #life #newblog